My mama done tol' me

My sister has reminded me that our mother often admonished me to keep my trap shut. Actually, she would say, "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all," or words to that effect. Of course, sometimes she would just tell me to shut up because I didn't know what I was talking about.
My mother also told me that kids are like pancakes - you should always throw the first one out. Guess where I was in the birth order.
I have spent my entire life ignoring what my mother told me. Why should I change now?
The weather here has been lovely, sometimes a bit warm. Very globalwarmingish. I suppose there are benefits.
Such as, now that the ice is melting in Antarctica, greedy nations are staking claims so they can DRILL FOR OIL. I should be dead by the time they start.
Do I sound like I have my cranky pants on? I do, and I've gained so much weight that the zipper is stuck.